The Single Foundation

Five effective ways to live life being single

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” Matthew 7: 24-27 NIV

Has this one particular exciting thought ever crossed your mind at one point? I’m talking about the thought of one day getting married, meeting the man or woman of your dreams, going on exciting dates, and thinking about how you’re going to propose or how you would like your fiancée to propose. Have you envisioned your wedding day wanting it to be big or small, having all of your friends and family attend, thinking of who your best man or maid of honor will be? These are exciting thoughts to have, aren’t they? Of course, they are, and even though they are not wrong thoughts to have, what happens when those thoughts are not yet a reality?

If I told you those thoughts never crossed my mind, I’d be lying to you. We’ve all been there before, concerned about wanting to have a special someone one day in our place. As I mentioned earlier, there is nothing wrong with wanting to one day be married, but if we find ourselves not in a relationship or anywhere close to marriage. We feel down like we’re missing something, and life becomes challenging instead of enjoyable. I know what you’re thinking, “God, where is my spouse?” “I want to start dating soon” “Why are all of my friends getting married?” I get it, but let me ask you a question. Do you genuinely believe you are ready to settle down? If you think you are, then if I were to ask you what is the foundation of your life, what answer would you give? Would it be the correct answer? So many people are living today single and unhappy and going into their marriage feeling the same way.

Many may ask why that is, but it again goes back to the foundation of our identity. What is a foundation, and why is it important? “Foundation: usually stone or concrete structure that supports a building from underneath” -The Britannica Dictionary. The analogy Jesus gives in Matthew 7:24-27, every house built on a solid rock foundation will be prepared for the troubles that come compared to those who build it on the sand. As a single today, ask yourself, what is the one thing I am looking to for support that makes me feel complete? Being single can be challenging, but it does not mean that we are not blessed or have no purpose. Singleness is a time of preparation building into a journey of solid character development with a solid foundation. The question is, how can we live out being single and content? Of course, it’s not always easy, but here are five ways to live in the season of singleness effectively and prepare for a Godly marriage.  

1.The Foundation: JESUS

“11 For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.” – 1 Corinthians 3:11 NIV

Foundation is the least noticed part of a newly built home but the most important of the whole structure. When a house doesn’t have a good foundation, it will be evident to the homeowner. Occurrences like cracks appear in the home due to shifts, rain seeping into the walls and floors, or animals sneaking in the lower parts of the house. What does this have to do with salvation or building your relationship with Christ? In John 16:33, Jesus states we will face troubles in this world, but those who find peace are those who rely on how he overcame the world. If you’re looking to prepare for dating/marriage, are you building towards being loved by a person or loved by the one who loved you first?

One of my favorite stories in the gospel of John is when Jesus speaks to the Samaritan woman in John 4. In verses 13 & 14, after he asks the women for a drink, he states, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst.” Later, to find out, this woman was divorced five times and settled for a man she wasn’t married to. What does this say? To determine your foundation goes by what you look for as satisfaction or what you think defines your identity as a person. Today in our generation, we identify ourselves by how others view us.

In most cases of relationships, we will settle for extreme abuse or dysfunction to prove that we are loved. It’s not wrong to desire intimacy with someone, but we have to know that intimacy in marriage was meant for a purpose and not pleasure. Our identity and satisfaction start from experiencing God’s perfect, unfailing love for us. So if you’re single and are longing to be married someday, begin by enhancing your relationship with Christ!

2. Under Construction: Healing /Self-Growth

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3 NIV

What would your reaction be if you saw a family move into a house still under construction? The structure was still building, but none of the rooms were completed; it had no A/C or heater, running water, furniture, or appliances. It’s not that the house is not good to live in; it’s just not yet ready and needs construction to be built into its purpose. It’s how a lot of us approach dating/marriage today. We will jump into a relationship with someone when we are still in the process of construction and rebuilding from our past traumas. It also applies to the person we’re interested in who may be emotionally available to us but still living under construction from their past.

Living single is a time to take hold of our most complex issues that weigh us down and strive for a life of inner healing. It’s a time to take care of those unhealthy addictions, traumatic heartbreaks, mental health patterns, or anything that will impact our marriage. Pop culture today falsely advertises that settling down solves all of our problems. You may be eager to get involved in a relationship but let me ask, are you still constantly thinking about your ex? What does your daily mental health look like? Are the burdens of unforgiveness or pornography ruling over you? With Christ already as your foundation, allow him to guide you through the divine healing path. That could start by connecting with some form of accountability in a 1-on-1 or group setting. It doesn’t always have to be complicated; you can make your healing journey beautiful. Go to a men’s or women’s retreat, attend a big church conference, take a big step of faith and go on a mission trip. Remember, God is constructing you into self-growth and making you into something beautiful!

3. Framing Contentment: Having a Balanced Mindset

“To be content doesn’t mean you don’t desire more, it means you’re thankful for what you have and patient for what’s to come.” – Tony Gaskins

Tony Gaskins “https://quotefancy.com/tony-gaskins-quotes”

When a home is near the end of the construction process, usually inspected is the balance of the house. There must be a balance with all the constructed framing before certain items are installed, like plumbing, insulation, walls, and floor tile. An essential point in singleness is framing a balanced mindset while going through the process. I’m sure we all go through a struggle in seasons of waiting, living life in contentment. Most of us identify contentment as an easier said than done approach, but it comes down to what you have in life vs. what you don’t have in life.

Why do we struggle to be content in the current seasons? It comes down to how we view what comes into life today and what hasn’t come into our life yet. If you’re not happy with how things are going now while you’re single, you probably won’t be happy when faced with the responsibility of being married. The biggest misconception that so many of us think when we are single is that we live in failure while those engaged or married succeed. Social media has not been helpful to counteract that lie, and I get it going every day seeing your friends or insta-famous influencers showing off their “better half.” Contentment’s ultimate enemy that imbalances a person’s mind from satisfied to unsatisfied is one-word “Comparison.”

Contentment is not just about being happy with yourself; it’s also about finding satisfaction and gratitude for yourself. Singleness can be an easy place not to see what blessings are here and only see what blessings are not here yet. However, why is it so easy to see it in single people and not married ones? What causes 20 to 30-year marriages to all of a sudden end in a tragic divorce? We then go back to what the enemy uses to create an imbalance in a person’s mind, “comparison” leading to discontentment. Remember King David, who had a palace, an army, multiple wives, and many victories on his belt. What causes him to see Bathsheba, and suddenly he doesn’t have enough? Uriah, the husband to Bathsheba, a faithful servant of David, suddenly has more than him, so he gets tragically killed in battle? See what comparison can do to someone who has so much but feels like they have so little. Whichever season you are in, even if you are a married person reading this, take this time to create a balanced mindset.

4. Embracing your Purpose: Using What’s Given to You

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11 

When you are asked what your life’s purpose is, what is the answer that first comes to mind? Many will give common answers like their 9-5 career, graduating college, serving at their church, becoming successful, or falling in love with someone and starting a family. As good as those things may be, what if their purpose was so much more than that. Today, so many people may not know what their purpose is and somehow find themselves winging it through an everyday life routine.

If you read in 1 Corinthians 7, when Paul talks to the church about the responsibilities of marriage, starting in verse 8, he speaks to the “unmarried” people about staying single like him. However, he also states that anyone who struggles with self-control should get married instead of burning with passion. Jumping into verses 25 – 40, he elaborates more on this, talking about the commitments and responsibilities every husband and wife is accustomed to in their marriage. A single person is not obligated to these responsibilities and has no restrictions on devotion to the Lord. In so many words, Paul is telling unmarried people in the church that their calling established by God matters more than their desire for marriage. Those who struggle with self-control on a sexual intimate level, which is meant for married people, are entitled to get married, but Paul may be asking, what is your purpose between you and God?

Purpose goes far beyond the single objectives and responsibilities we do every day. It’s about the identity we discover in our relationship with God that drives us to accomplish our goals and dreams in his glory and not ours. You don’t walk into a house and only see a bathroom, a kitchen, or a bedroom. You see different areas used in different ways in the home because its primary purpose is to be a refuge for those who purchase it. Remember the initial question of what the foundation of your identity was? When we trust in the Lord to be the foundation and completeness of our identity, falling in love with the purpose becomes so much more appealing than single structures themselves. As for finding the right person, well, that becomes part of the journey awaited on his timing, not ours.

5. Finding The Right Buyer

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” – James 1:17 NIV

When someone purchases something, there is a purpose behind why they bought a specific object. The keyword to use here is “object,” which can have various meanings and observations, but overall in my own words can mean something that is used in a worldly manner. I’m sure this is an approach our human nature has with just about every material thing we purchase over our life span. This could be anywhere from a nice car we drive, clothes we wear, or the smartphones we use. The list goes on, but the truth is most material objects we purchase eventually fade and are either replaced or just no longer used. Can we deny this and say it’s not accurate, or could we ask the question, why? We subconsciously lose the idea of value for material things we use to make us happy.

As accurate as this may be, it’s how a lot of us approach the idea of dating and marriage. People are not objects to fall in love with and use for pleasure and happiness. Then when things get complicated and those happy emotions start to fade, it’s time to get rid of or replace them. Something with true value is meant to be cherished eternally, especially when things are hard. The most underrated love story in the bible that is not talked about often in the church is the story of Hosea and Gomer. In Hosea chapter 1, the Lord comes to the prophet Hosea and commands him to marry Gomer, a prostitute living in Israel. They have children together but moving to chapter 3, Gomer falls back into prostitution and commits adultery against Hosea. However, when she is abused and put up for auction, the Lord tells Hosea to purchase her, and he ends up outbidding everyone by paying fifteen shekels for her, which was a large amount of money to use. As beautiful as that story may be, Hosea had the revelation that his story with his wife was how the Lord viewed his relationship with the people of Israel.

In this case, intimate relationships we are blessed to have, including a spouse, are not meant to be looked at as objects but as prizes. God views us as the prizes won when he made the ultimate transaction for us by allowing his son Jesus to pay the price for all of our sins. God bought us for a high price, and when you cherish something valuable, you don’t look at it as a source of happiness or something to abuse. You view this as a great gift from above and choose to embrace the journey with whoever is choosing to walk with you becoming one flesh. The funny thing when a newlywed couple purchases a brand new home is the journey they will go through living in that home when it’s ready to be used for its purpose. All the good and bad memories will take place throughout a lifetime. Kids are born, birthday parties, holiday gatherings, first days of school, kids get married, and they become grandparents. The only similarity between the house and newlyweds is they all started from the foundation of solid rock!

Sponsorship

Do you love books but hardly have the time to sit down and read? Then I recommend taking a look at Audible a premium audio book service that gives you access to all the audio novels, books, and podcasts from just the click of a button. Click on the image above to get started with audible plan today. https://amzn.to/3TYAhIB