5 Ways to Overcome Rejection.

Who has had this one relatable moment that has occurred in social interaction? A moment where you have your mind set on someone or something and what you were hoping for didn’t go as planned? I’m talking about where you approach someone who you find very attractive. Before you can even ask for their contact info, you realize they are unreceptive to the conversation and are giving you those “go away” vibes, and your plan to attract your crush falls flat in your face. I’m sure a part of you feels a bit disappointed and feels like you let yourself down. Another aspect of you goes into a state of curiosity, wondering if it was something you said, how you acted, or who you are as a person that caused this person to be unreceptive.

What just happened, and why are you feeling this way? What you are feeling, my friend, is a term known as “rejection.” What is Rejection, and why is it portrayed in a negative light? Rejection is a term used when another person does not give back what another person is giving/offering in return. In other words, think of it as giving but not receiving something in return. How did you feel when you submitted that job or college application with many promising benefits? You imagined what it would be like and the impact you would make on this organization. Then it all comes crashing down when you receive that letter stating you’ve been rejected or don’t receive anything back. Rejection can be a moment in time that is straight to the point and manageable to handle, but there are times when it can take a blow to your image and self-esteem, making you feel helpless. As tough as Rejection can be, there is a question I’m sure everyone dealing with mental health has a tough time answering, and that’s…….

Why Does Rejection Hurt?

Rejection hurts because it goes against the expectations we consciously or subconsciously set on a person, job, lifestyle, or anything we set our hearts to. Humans naturally set high expectations on things we want in life and will strive to get it. Painful situations come from something we wanted that didn’t want us back. Someone you grew feelings for, and you did not want to be vulnerable about your feelings because you were afraid they would not feel the same way. Then, sure enough, that person didn’t see you the same way and the friendship was ruined. It’s moments like you being married to someone for quite some time, and even though your wedding night was a magical experience, you and your spouse are now just roommates and barely friends with your spouse announcing they want a divorce. There are times in your childhood when you grew up not having a close relationship with a parent and when you wanted their approval and just wanted them to act like a parent. They don’t make any effort to spend time with you, and you grew up with no connection with them, leaving you feeling, you guessed it rejected.

Rejection is a straight-up slap in the face to our Ego and makes us feel complex emotions that, at times, are too much to handle. These emotions at the moment can be hard to process since Rejection can be predictable or unpredictable. It’s that feeling of embarrassment when someone doesn’t see the value that you are offering to them. Are you confused after being rejected and curious to know what went wrong? You probably are then feeling hurt and upset about what just occurred, and before you know it, your mind is going through a rollercoaster of emotions. Let’s get it out of the way; Rejection sucks, and as much as we want to avoid it, we can’t. We can, however, overcome how we respond to Rejection and how we can use it to build our confidence. Here are 5 ways we can overcome Rejection.

1. Allow Yourself to Feel Disappointed. 

When things don’t go the way you planned them to happen, the instinct for anyone is to feel disappointed. Again Rejection is our needs, wants, and expectations not being returned to us. So feeling disappointed someone was not into you, someone fell out of love, or a mentor was not there for you when they should have been is a valid case. However, there are ways to tell if Rejection is just a bump in the road or a complete crash in your life. Disappointment is a negative response to temporary emotions, but sometimes Rejection can lead to long-term feelings that keep a person feeling deeply hurt.

I am in no way saying people should not feel upset when they face Rejection, but I am saying that allow yourself to grieve and give yourself a chance to move on. Some people do not understand that Rejection is painful and will have severe effects regardless of circumstance. Feeling rejected is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of having an opportunity to overcome our failures. Take the time to be ok with not being ok with what you just faced, but again there are a good majority of people who have a hard time comprehending Rejection.

2. Learn From It Instead of Defining It. 

There is no definition of Rejection. What I mean when I say this is people who get rejected are not defined by what they are being rejected from. The main issue when someone gets rejected is they will self-sabotage instead of self-reflect. We will consider ourselves unworthy of love, irrelevant to society, or not good enough to be accepted by anyone. When in reality, Rejection has nothing to do with our worth. Instead of understanding what’s wrong with you, identify what’s wrong with the person or the situation. Take the time to self-reflect and learn from the situation. Was this person a good fit for you even if they did give you the time of day? Identify that this person may be battling with their own demons and may have unintentionally hurt you.

Sometimes, however, accountability needs to come on our end with Rejection and what decisions we need to take next time we are vulnerable to Rejection. In other words, how close were we to the person who hurt us? Are we setting ourselves up for Rejection by our approach? What steps do we need to take to overcome this route of Rejection? Do not blame yourself for what occurred but learn how you can become more mature from this experience. Someone who was not interested in you and didn’t want to give you the time of day is someone who is not worth convincing your value to. If we want to become overcomers of Rejection, we must learn how to increase our worth aside from what others think about us.

3. Release Your EGO!!

Sometimes our biggest enemies are not the people we face in life but us as individuals and our adverse personality traits. This point may not apply to everyone, but this is for someone who becomes angry and bitter when someone you may not even know rejects you. In life, we want to feel entitled to what we get and what we think we deserve. In other words, we want to feel noticed by people and have the entitlement of importance. This is called the concept of our “Ego,” and how we use this in our self-esteem will help us develop confidence or arrogance. When we allow our Ego to get the best of our mental health, we will set the most unrealistic expectations of ourselves. Some people today want to be looked up to by others and look at traits like dating as a status symbol instead of a healthy asset to their growth.

We have already gotten it out that Rejection is not a good place to be in, but someone who may have a hard time accepting Rejection is more concerned about their Ego than their self-growth. Never make Rejection about your image and what others will think. A healthy way to use your Ego is to let it go and learn how to use Rejection to build confidence. A confident person is content about their character and identifies Rejection as a way to weed out the people or statuses that are not meant for them to begin with. In contrast, someone with a high ego will view Rejection as a complete failure and take extreme measures to prevent Rejection from happening again.

4. Instead of Stopping Rejection, Learn to Welcome it. 

An unrealistic question many broken people ask is what I need to do to prevent Rejection from ever happening again. The truth is you can’t do anything to stop Rejection from happening. However, some people cannot handle the pain of Rejection, and they will do anything in their will not to allow that pain to come back in. This is what we call fight or flight, whether it’s avoiding people, doing anything to get accepted, or being needy for attention to no avail. Why do some people push to prevent Rejection from occurring? The reason is that some are tired of failure and believe they must find that moment of redemption by avoiding Rejection. A way we can handle Rejection is by thinking the unthinkable. Instead of asking why I was rejected, ask the question, why not?

I would be a liar if I didn’t say that I don’t still have the same stinging feeling when I get rejected by someone, more specifically, someone I am romantically interested in. However, what I have learned is Rejection is not a stamp on my identity but a stamp on a reason to build confidence. Rejection is protection from what is not suitable for us and can honestly save us from so much trouble. Yet we will still chase and settle for someone only because we look at the selfish benefit we believe we can get out of them. What is that benefit? Do they give you attention, are they a status symbol, and does their physical appearance matter more to you? Scenarios like this set us up for Rejection when we become needy for what someone could provide. Rejection should not be the reason your self-esteem goes downward; it should be the reason it grows.

5. Make Rejection the Inspiration of your Story. 

If we can identify that Rejection is not about us, then we can determine that it is about the inspiration of our story. It’s painful not to be accepted by someone, no matter the circumstance of the situation. However, why do people use the quote what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? Rejection is not the end of your story, but what if it was just the beginning? Sometimes you must understand that to get success and inspiration from others, you must go through failure. Some of the most inspirational people of our time have all gone through Rejection at some point. Michael Jordan was denied from his freshman basketball team to become the greatest basketball of all time. The band U2 was rejected by multiple record label companies to release 4 decades’ worth of platinum hits. Best of all, Jesus was rejected and hated by many, leading to his death to resurrecting in 3 days saving the whole world.

If you’re hurting from Rejection, the best advice you can receive is to allow God to rewrite your story. Make a choice today to walk with Christ on your journey of redemption and build into the lifestyle you truly deserve. The best part about being rejected is not so much overcoming your emotional pain but helping others how to overcome the pain you went through. God has designed a story for you to be an impact on others. The more you entertain your pain, the more you delay your breakthrough. Take it one day at a time to rebuild yourself, but what I am saying is to choose to embrace it instead of being ashamed of it. You are enough, you are worthy, you are loved, and you are not your past rejections. Just remember, Jesus loves you!