Are You Offended?
How did you feel when you weren’t invited to a social gathering? How do you usually respond when someone corrects something about you and gives you constructive criticism? What goes through your mind when someone purposely tries getting under your skin and embarrassing you in front of others? I’m sure all of these scenarios are relatable, but the serious question is, how do we feel when they occur? Do moments like this leave us with a sour taste? Our emotions are a bit disgusted with what a specific person said or what they committed. It’s like a mix of destructive emotions hitting you at that moment, leaving you curious about what just happened.
What you are feeling is the simple term known as “offense.” It’s a term that everyone experiences throughout their lifetime. In many words, this term can be referred to as the beginning stages of annoyance, disappointment, anger, bitterness, or resentment. Is it human of us to feel this way, or is this something we can control? Offense is a common emotion we can develop when someone is performing an annoying behavior; someone verbally insults you, you get rejected by a group, or anything that can stir up complex emotions deep inside. The truth is, we cannot control the actions of someone hurting our feelings, but we can maintain the impact of offense that unexpectedly comes. Some may ask, is it possible to not be offended by others’ actions, and if so, how? This post will review over 5 ways you can become unoffendable.
1. Identify What Triggers Your Offense.
What ultimately gets under your skin when you are interacting with others? I’m sure everyone has a pet peeve that triggers them to become upset or angry. Is it someone who cuts you off while driving, you get interrupted while speaking, someone who doesn’t say hi to you, you feel like you’re not being included, or someone purposely insults your character? Everybody has a trigger of emotions that allows them to become offended, and offense, as I mentioned before, is a normal reaction. How many people today are slaves to the weight of offense or are hanging on to offenses that occurred in their past? Offense is a seed that the enemy sows into someone, and it’s that person’s choice if they want that offense to grow or cast it out.
To overcome offense out of your heart, you must determine what causes you to be offended by others. An offended heart is like someone who has a backpack and adds different weights inside it by certain people they meet, but some people add heavy weights inside, and they feel the weight of the bag. Before they know it, they take every weight of a person’s actions and pile heavy weights to where it becomes unbearable. What ultimately needs to be determined is what was that one initial offense that weighed heavy on your heart, and now any minor offense becomes heavy even when it’s not intentional. Offense is not only the root of bitterness but also the root of trauma. We will become overwhelmingly offended by someone who is not there for us, maybe because of a person who was supposed to be there for you wasn’t.
2. Have an Open Heart and Mind.
A story that has always made me see offense differently is in Matthew 15:22-29, when Jesus encounters the Canaanite woman with a demon-possessed daughter. When she approaches Jesus and begs him to cast the demon out of her daughter, the unexpected response he gives always surprises me. He ignores her at first, then proceeds to say, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” When she continues to plead with Jesus, he looks at her and states, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.” when she replies with “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” Then instantly, Jesus heals the woman’s daughter from a long distance.
What just happened? Jesus had a way of connecting with people who were in need; typically, his response was based on faith and how people were dependent on his power. What made this woman’s story so different? After reading this several times, I ultimately determined that it was not that Jesus didn’t care about her or her daughter. He saw something in her heart that no one else could see, and it was what she hid deep inside. No one knows what kind of relationship this woman had with her daughter, but it was clear Jesus implied their relationship. When he spoke about the children’s bread and giving it to the dogs, I believe Jesus was implying the hardened heart this woman had towards her daughter.
An offended heart forms a hardened heart and when someone lives in the weight of offense closes the door not only to freedom but also to God. Offense can turn into hatred and bitterness. When people live their life out of vengeance, it blocks out prayers toward God (See Isaiah 1:15 and Psalm 66:18). What ultimately needed to change for this woman was opening her heart and mind to what might be the cause of her daughter’s possession. This woman had to take responsibility for her actions and emotions, which instantly healed her daughter. Strong offenses drive Satan in relationships, ultimately defeating him when someone chooses to release it.
3. Understand the True Concept of Forgiveness.
Today in our generation, forgiveness has the wrong impression on people living life offended. Going back to the first two points, if we understand the root for us living easily offended we have to open our hearts to find a way to heal. There are a lot of common myths about forgiveness, one being that forgiveness is downplaying your feelings. Forgiveness is not determining that someone’s mistake was ok; it’s about learning to overcome your emotions from someone else’s mistake. Forgiving someone who offended you is a way to become better than your negative emotions. Our feelings are ultimately keeping us trapped in the burden of unforgiveness.
We need to understand that living as Christians is not an easy ride, and if you want to become strong over offense, you must learn how to forgive quickly. I am not saying someone shouldn’t be hurt or upset by an offense. We’re human, and it does take time to process a hurtful situation, but offense grows like a seed and becomes the ultimate bondage that’s weighing you down if you don’t deal with it. Forgiveness counteracts the weight of bitterness, and when you learn how to understand, release someone else’s offense. It will build you towards the path of righteousness.
4. Pray for your Offenders.
Jesus laid it down on the line when he said, “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” I’m sure many people don’t consider that, and why would we? It’s hard to pray and love someone who makes you upset and offends you. However, Jesus had something more profound in mind when he spoke this as believers prayer is supposed to be the first option for every circumstance we find ourselves in. When offended by someone, prayer is the antidote to exercising our faith. Today in our world, we naturally respond by wanting vengeance on someone and returning the blow.
It’s difficult not to act human when deeply offended, but when we are new creations in Christ, we are meant to live free. Praying for the people who intentionally or unintentionally hurt you sets you up for peace and strengthens your character. If we want to be overcomers to offense, we must learn how to love others; prayer is not only an expression of love but also a way we can experience God’s love. When you pray for someone you may consider your enemy, you learn to observe love from God’s perspective. Think of this as becoming stronger mentally; exercising is about achieving the unthinkable.
5. Know your Identity in Christ
When asked who you are, what is the response you give? What is the critical reason for someone who is constantly offended? A struggle with one’s identity. Most of the time, we believe the lies of every offensive circumstance we are in because of how we feel about ourselves. The enemy’s ultimate goal is to steal your identity and give you a false idea of your true value. It’s easy for us to become offended and allow our minds to grow in hurt and resentment. What if something made our offense just a minor bump in the road?
Learn to understand your identity in Christ. A close intimate relationship with Jesus builds a strong connection with what he has in mind for you. The relationships we build over time have either one or two outcomes: finding value in ourselves or questioning if we have value or not. How often do we try to find it in the people we are surrounded by daily? Most of the time, people crush and fail our identity, and we still can’t get it through our heads that man will always fail us. If we think about the pursuit of Christ wanting a relationship with us, it makes a bit of sense. When no man on earth knows what you’re capable of, one man calls out, wanting to show you. While others are rejecting you, he is not rejecting you.
You are loved by the God of the universe, who sees your heart and knows how valuable you truly are. Why do we prolong the idea of becoming intimate with Christ but will be very quick to settle for someone who may not care for us as much as we think? Find your identity in Christ today, and learn his plans for you. No other human love, rejection, or offense will matter when you know your identity in Christ. God’s love for us will never fail.
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